Early Retirement Scheme

Due to the financial situation in the Amiga industry, the government has decided to place all Amiga manufacturers and users over the age of 30 on an early retirement scheme. The scheme will be known as RAPE: Retire Amiga Personnel Early.

People selected to be RAPEd can apply to join the SHAFT scheme (Special Help After Final Termination). Those who have been RAPEd and SHAFTed will then be reviewed under the SCREW scheme (SCheme for Retired Early W)orkers. Please note that you can only be RAPEd once and SHAFTed twice, but you may be SCREWed as many times as this government deems appropriate. Persons who have been RAPEd can also apply to get AIDS (Additional Income for DependantS), or HERPES (Half Earnings for Rural Personnel on Early Severance).

Those Amiga users and manufacturers still remaining in the industry will receive as much SHIT (Special High Intensity Training) and CRAP (Caring Responsive Assistance Programme) as possible. As you are aware, this government prides itself on the amount of SHIT and CRAP it gives out.